megazeux rules: special edition 3: The Dream Strikes Back
by waka
"Hey, Guyver got his shot at making an AD-NR rivalry episode, now it's my turn. Parody'ing The Empire Strikes Back, no less." -Waka
The scene is #nr, location of the top secret rebel base. Guyver, the resistance leader, sits in an office chair, programming with MZX and perusing reports on AD's activities. jh and stargazer talk of the newest NR technology, while zixyer stays glued to a computer screen, working on various MZX utilities. PiMan lays on a small bed, relaxing from a long day of hard work. jh and XR3 stand in the middle of the room, chatting about things only relevant to themselves. Casey McCann, the newest NR member, sits at a lonely computer, wearing a hat with the words 'new recruit' across the top. Suddenly, a background extra bursts in the room, worn out from exhaustion.
<extra> *huff*... bad news, Guyver.
<Guyver> What's wrong?
<extra> We're recieving readings of an unknown newbie on the outskirts of the channel, leaking information on our games to the empire.
<Guyver> Ready a taunt-taunt for me, PiMan, and McCann. I want to take a look at this newbie personally.
<PiMan> Huh? Wha?
<Casey> Wow, you mean I get to go on a mission? For joy!
<Guyver> Yeah, I suppose.
*The team travels to #megazeux, where a newbie stands annoying the crap out of everyone else in the channel, making an annoying beeping noise.
<newbie> Beep be-beep beep beep beeeep beep be-beep...
<taunt-taunt> Yo mamma wears an afro. Hahahahaha. Ha.
<E_Megas> Won't anyone shut that idiot up?
<Guyver> What's with him?
<E_Megas> He won't stop beeping, that's what. Duh.
<newbie> be-beep beep beeeep beep beep be-be-beep beep...
<Guyver> Jeez, that's annoying. Looks like we've found our little leak, anyhow. Casey, take care of it.
<Casey> Okie-dokey.
*Casey pulls a blaster out from his side and shoots the newbie square in the head. With a final "beep!", he explodes.
<xf> You ripoff.
<PiMan> Well, that takes care of one problem.
<Guyver> Yeah. But still, I can't help but wonder how much information got through...
*The scene changes to #autumndreams. Legendd sits atop his throne, impatiently waiting for reports of NR's activities. Myth and Veloso, raised from the dead by some sort of mathemajiCkal means, sit at computer terminals working on various projects. Waka stands by a window, looking out at the starry emptiness of space. emmzee and the evil yenrab incarnate stand guard aside the throne. CapnKev and MenTaLBoY stand near the same side wall, chatting about more matters beyond the comprehension of the rest present. ASTeRiCk enters the room, with a devious grin across his face.
<ASTeRiCk> Lord Legendd, there is good news to be heard.
<Legendd> Report.
<ASTeRiCk> Our newbie spy has informed us of the key to #nr. Now we can enter the channel as we please.
<Legendd> Good work. The Autumn Future shall come soon. You are excused.
*With a pleased look on his face, ASTeRiCk leaves the room.
<Legendd> Prepare the assault on #nr. Waka, you may have the honor of leading the strike upon the channel.
<Waka> Thank you, my lord.
<Legendd> This is working out beautifully. Instead of destroying their leader, the young Guyver shall join us in our leet crusade for dominance over the MZX universe.
<Waka> And if he refuses to join?
<Legendd> Then he shall die.
*With a bow, Waka departs from the room to ready the strike upon the nr base. The scene changes then to #nr, where Guyver frantically paces back and forth, pondering upon AD's next move. zixyer, his eyes red from glaring intensly at a moniter screen, steps up from his computer, as if to speak, but stops. He starts to speak again, but stops once more.
<Guyver> Will you spit it out already?
<zixyer> Sorry. 78 hours of straight programming will do that to ya. Anyhow, it appears as though AD is planning a massive strike upon us with the release of a new game in the Sivion series.
<Guyver> The Sivion series? But, doesn't the first one have yet to be released?
<zixyer> *shrug*. I dunno, ask them, they should be here any minute.
<jh> Oh no. What ever shall we do. </sarcasm>
<Guyver> That's the first time I've ever seen someone *say* an HTML tag.
<jh> Sorry. 78 hours of straight programming will do that to ya.
<Guyver> You haven't been programming for 78 straight hours.
<jh> Oh yeah.
*Suddenly, a crash is heard, and the room starts shaking violently.
<PiMan> Looks like they've begun their attack.
<Guyver> Quick! To the batmobile!
<Casey> We don't have a batmobile.
<Guyver> I thought I told you to order one?
<Casey> We blew the money on donuts, remember?
<Guyver> ...Oh. Well, in that case, to the Milennium Crow.
*The NR group heads for the Millenium Crow, blasting groups of newbies dressed in stormtrooper outfits. As they are about to board the Crow, Tseng, along with a large group of stormnewbies appears and starts firing upon the crow. Casey and PiMan grab their blasters and start taking out the stormnewbies one by one.
<PiMan> Jeez, doesn't that stormtrooper armor even work?
<Tseng> No. It's just to make us look really cool.
<PiMan> Oh.
*Waka, along with an ominous figure wearing a helmet, enters the room, just in time to see Tseng get shot in the head by Casey's blaster.
<Waka> Oh my god, you killed Tseng! You bastards!@#!$!
<Guyver> Bastard is my word.
*Just as he is about to board the Millenium Crow, zixyer, tired from endless hours in front of a computer screen, trips over a rock. Several stormnewbies quickly take him hostage.
<Guyver> No! Dammit, they took zixyer!
<jh> No time to get him now, we've got to escape!
*With a roar, the Millenium Crow shoots off to space.
<Waka> Blast! I wanted Guyver. Well, at least we have something to show for our efforts... Hey, you! Bounty hunter guy!
*The ominous masked figure turns his head and takes off his helmet to reveal the face of majiCk, head op of #megazeux and 'leet bounty hunter extrordinaire.
<majiCk> Whaddaya want?
<Waka> A deal's a deal, so you can have zixyer. Even though you've done absolutely nothing during this whole strike to earn your pay.
<majiCk> Oh, oh yeah, zixyer. He's worth nothing to me dead.
<Waka> He's not dead.
<majiCk> How do I know you're telling the truth?
<Waka> See for yourself.
*majiCk walks up to zixyer's body and checks his pulse. With a relieved look on his face, he realizes that zixyer is, indeed, still alive.
<Waka> See? Well, what do you plan to do with him now?
<majiCk> Oh, I dunno... I think I'll freeze him in carbonite and ship him off to an infamous crime lord.
<Waka> Why the hell would you do a thing like that?
<majiCk> Why the hell not?
<Waka> Good point. Well, whatever floats your boat.
<majiCk> Well, I'm off with my bounty.
<Waka> Wait. How would you like to earn a bit more money?
<majiCk> What do you have in mind?
<Waka> Well, you'll see...
<majiCk> It better not have anything to do with emmzee, I heard he's gay.
<emmzee> I'm not gay!
<majiCk> ...not that there's anything wrong with being gay.
<Waka> Don't worry, it doesn't. And he's not gay.
<emmzee> *giggle* ^_^;
*Meanwhile, aboard the Millenium Crow...
<Guyver> Well, this certainly sucks. Our channel got invaded and zixyer's been taken captive. What next?
<jh> Sir, we're recieving a transmission from an unknown location.
<Guyver> Put it onscreen.
*The computer moniter buzzes and cackles from static for a few seconds, when the familiar face of Legendd appears on the screen.
-Legendd- To you rebel scumbags: We have your little friend zixyer, and we're giving you a little chance to rescue him. You have three days to come to #darkdigital to attempt to rescue him, after which time he will be handed over to majiCk, who will do with him as he pleases. Have a nice day.
<Guyver> Well, if that doesn't smell like a trap, I don't know what does.
<XR3> I say we do it.
<Guyver> We're almost certain to be destroyed.
<XR3> Yeah, but I'm bored.
<Guyver> Well, okay. Next stop, #darkdigital.
*Fifteen minutes later, after a pit stops for food and some engine trouble, the NR gang arrives at #darkdigital.
<Guyver> I'll take care of this myself. I've got a score to settle.
<XR3> Are you crazy? Going it alone against vast amounts of newbie hordes and who knows what else!
<Guyver> Yeah, but if I didn't go alone, the plot wouldn't develop right.
<Casey> Who the hell wrote this crappy plot, anyhow?
<mysterious voice> Most likely Waka.
*Suddenly, the apparition of gaK appears in the middle of the room.
<Guyver> gaK! I thought you were betrayed by Waka thend died and/or were sent to boarding school!
<gaK> I was.
<Guyver> Oh.
<gaK> Anyhow, I came here to say that you ain't ready to face Waka yet.
<Guyver> Why the hell not?
<gaK> What, you need a reason?
<Guyver> Yes.
<gaK> Well, I don't have one.
<Guyver> Well, I'm still gonna face Waka, Legendd, and all the rest of AD. And I'm gonna beat 'em all, I tells ya.
<gaK> Yeah, whatever. Go get 'em, tiger.
<XR3> Well, don't *we* sound enthusiastic?
<gaK> 78 hours of straight programming will do that to ya.
<Stargazer> What is it with everyone and 78 hours of straight programming?
<gaK> Uhh... it's the latest trend? I dunno, leave me alone.
*With a *poof!*, gaK's apparition leaves.
<Guyver> Well, time to go kick some AD butt.
*Guyver paints his face up like The Crow and leaves for the center of the channel, desperately seeking out zixyer. Eventually he finds his way to a carbonite freezing room with none other than Waka at the center.
<Waka> So glad you could join us, Guyver.
<Guyver> Where's zixyer!?
<Waka> You actually believed that load of crap that Legendd told you? I gave zix over to maj. He's not here!
<Guyver> Bastard.
<Waka> Bastard is my... wait, no, it's your word.
<Guyver> Damn right it is.
<Waka> Anyhow, enough chatter, let's fight.
*Both of them grab their lightsabers and start to battle. The battle rages on and on and on for two hours until suddenly, Waka knicks Guyver's left pinky, knocking the lightsaber out of his hand.
<Guyver> Ow! Dammit.
<Waka> I have something to tell you, Guyver... I'm your half-sister's cousin's bosses' ex-roomate!
<Guyver> What does that make us?
<Waka> Hell if I know.
<Guyver> Gwah, you ripped that off from Spaceballs.
<mono> (from the nether regions of space) IT'S "G'AH!"
<Waka> Anyhow... join me! We don't need Legendd! We can rule the universe together!
<Guyver> Forget it.
*Suddenly, Guyver jumps off the edge of the railing. After going through various tunnels and pipes that lead to who knows where, he ends up miraculously aboard the Millenium Crow.
<Stargazer> Guy! We thought you were dead!
<Casey> So, what of zixyer?
<Guyver> He's not here. It was all a setup.
<Casey> Well, what will we do next?
<Guyver> Who knows? But something gives me a feeling that this isn't the end of this war...
*And so, the millenium falcon zooms off in to hyperspace, it's noble crew in search of their lost companion.
***end***
<zixyer> Sorry. 78 hours of straight programming will do that to ya.