act one: "a big, purple dinosaur" location: somewhere in central california, travelling east on highway 27. <waka> why does mono get to drive? <mono> cause i'm the only one with a license! <myth> *ahem* <mono> driver's ed doesn't count, myth. <waka> i wanna drive! <myth> no! me! *all three travellers attempt to steer the winnebagel at the same time. <mono> hey guys, let go of the wheel! i can't steer! *unfortunately, this causes the vehicle to veer of the side of the road, into a large barn. <waka, myth & mono> ack. <cow> moo. <waka> moo? <cow> yes, moo. <myth> mono! look what you did! *mono, in a fit of rage, leaps on myth and begins gnawing on his head. <myth> um, mono? why are you gnawing on my head? *mono continues gnawing. <waka & cow> moo! *while all this is happening, a girl enters the barn. furious, she grabs a spork and flings it at mono. luckily, mono has an extremely hard head, and the spork ricochets off of him and embeds itself in the cow. The cow falls over, dead. <waka> moo. <myth> (looks at girl) who are you? <girl> madalaine, ask me again and i'll tell you the same. <mono> grandma! <girl> i'm not your grandma. <mono> you look like my grandma. <girl> i'm not your grandma. <mono> are you sure? <girl> no, i use right guard, why? <waka> moo. <myth> waka, stop that incessant mooing! <waka> i can't! <girl> yes! you can! <myth> (looks at girl again) who are you really? are you dangerous? <girl> no. danger is my middle name. (lifts one eyebrow) <myth> what is your name?!@#$!@%!#$^ <waka> yes, and where were you on the night of february 30, 1963? <mono & myth> february 30th? there is no february 30. <waka> details, details. <girl> yap yap dibby dow pop pop bobadown bobadown bobadown bobadown bobadown <famous scott> hey! you stole that line from the saga! <girl> who are you? <myth> no, the question is, who are you? <girl> geez. me llamo es barney. <waka> "barney?" that's a boys name! bahahah. *barney the girl throws a spork in waka's general direction. <waka> moo. <mono> yes? <waka> no, moo. <mono> ...oh. <robin leach> i've got your magic dragon, right here. <barney the girl> (nmiaow) <famous scott> y'know? this is a cheap ripoff of the saga! i'm tired of everyone cashing in on my success! <myth> welcome to the sleazebag. <famous scott> augh!!!!!!!!!$@#%!% *famous scott vanishes <barney> what an igmo. <mono> yes? <barney> no, igmo. <mono> ...oh. *myth, bored out of his mind, begins playing spoons on waka's forehead. <waka> ow. can we leave now? <mono> yes! we can! <barney> so where are you guys going, anyway? <myth> ... <mono> ... <waka> ... <cow> ... <waka> i thought the cow was dead. <cow> i'm getting better! <waka> she was a good cow. *waka begins burying cow. <cow> i'm not dead! <waka> yes, you are. <cow> no! <waka> shh. *waka finishes burying cow. <myth> ... <barney> ... <waka> ... <wierd naked indian> chumpam bumpam queek fow, bubba dubba bo bow. <mono> yes? <wierd naked indian> no, bo bow. <mono> ...oh. <wierd naked indian> call me jim. <mono> no. *jim leaves. *all of the sudden, leaders in kuwait decide to eat lunch. meanwhile, in the barn, the cow's ghost emerges from the ground. <monstrous ghost of cow> moo! <myth> i thought you weren't dead. <monstrous ghost of cow> i wasn't until i died. <myth> that explains it. *the cow moos in rage, and begins to chase the group around the barn <all> (running in terror) augh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <monstrous ghost of cow> moo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *the group hastily runs inside the winnebagel and shuts the door. the cow ghost continues charging, until it hits the side of the motorhome, and falls over, dead. <myth> how can a ghost die? <mono> how does a duck know what direction south is? <waka> is the pope catholic? does a bear...nevermind. *barney grabs the steering whel and starts the engine. waka, myth and mono quickly run to the steering wheel and grab ahold. <barney> where to? <mono> ... <waka> ... <myth> nebraska? <mono> ska? <waka> nebra? <barney> gwah. ***end*** <mono> it's "g'ah" ------------------------------------------------------------------------ act two: "act two" last time, our three travellers, who know absolutely nothing about the clinton sex scandal(s), crashed into a barn; were chased by a dead cow; and met the fourth member of their group, barney the girl. Now in act two, we shall continue act one. *Barney is attempting to drive along highway 27, while mono, myth and waka all help steer. <barney> whee! this is more fun than watching margaret thatcher naked in a snow storm! <myth> barney, is this your first time driving? <barney> well, yeah, in a car. <myth> my body is a temple, I should be the guru. <barney> where *are* we going, anyway? <waka> you mean...you don't know?! <myth> she doesn't know. <mono> yes? <myth> no, i said...ah, screw it. <creator> hey, that's MY line! <waka> where did *you* come from? <creator> originally? <waka> ok. <creator> nebraska. <mono> ska? <myth> nebra? <waka> gwah. <mono> it's G'AH. <creator> if you're wondering how i got here, i walked. <waka> nevermind. *creator jumps out window *somewhere in northern mexico: <paco> estoy aburrido. <maria> yo sabe que tu esta hablando. <paco> oye. *meanwhile, on the winnebagel: <barney> i think we shou--. *before barney can finish her sentence, she is interupted by a loud booming voice. <loud booming voice> this is lacking plot, so i'm suggesting you guys go hunt down the creator of megazeux, greg janson. <all> it's so obvious! <waka> i'm sure you can think of something better than that. <loud booming voice> what, can you do better? <waka> no. <barney> no. and when a girl says no,...ah screw it. <creator> d'oh! <mono> no. <myth> area 51? <waka> ...nah. <barney> ...nah. <mono> ...nah. <myth> are you sure? <all> yes! <myth> so you WANT to go now? <all> no! <myth> gwah! make up your minds! <mono> (wildly waving hands) it's "G'AH". <loud booming voice> see? so we'll go with the greg janson idea. <all> fine. <loud booming voice> i know i am. <waka> you is? <loud booming voice> i is. <barney> (begins singing the theme song from "shaft") <majiCk> poot. <loud booming voice> i'll be leaving now. <mono> bye. <loud booming voice> by the way, you may have already won one million dollars. <myth> uh-huh. <loud booming voice> fine, bye. *the sound of a door slamming is heard, and all of a sudden, a guy said a thing somewhere while doing something with somebody. meanwhile, in the winnebagel, the four adventurers find themselves driving down a completely different highway. they pass a sign. <sign> "your tax dollars at work" *barney blows up, but soon realizes it's only indigestion. *they pass another sign. <another sign> la crescenta (ole!): 364 miles. *end "it's so obvious!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------ act 3: solitary confinement with a plot added to their previously pointless journey, the four travellers are well on their way to La Crescenta. (ole!) they are somewhere near fresno. *myth is driving, mono is sleeping, and barney and waka are playing a rousing game of "kick the gaK." <barney> this sucks <waka> what, do you want to play "spirits revenge" instead? <barney> ::shudder:: shaw, no. *meanwhile, myth wakes up mono. <myth> mono, wakeup. <mono> . . . <myth> mono? <mono> . . . <myth> mono! <mono> . . . <myth> MONO!!!@#$ <mono> . . . <myth> gwah. <mono> it's "g'ah." <myth> oh good, you're awake. take over driving...i'm tired. <mono> all day long, i cook and clean, and slave over a hot oven, and for what? nothing, thats what! what do You ever do for me? <myth> (pausing) ...you don't slave over a hot oven. <mono> (also pausing) ...alright. *as soon as mono begins to grab the wheel, a police car begins to signal the winnebagel to pull over. <mono> ack! a cop! what should i do? <myth> pull over. <barney> no! make a run for it! <waka> spoon! *mono steps on the gas, weaving in and out between lanes, trying to outrun the cop. amazingly, the cop stays behind them the whole way. the police cruiser shoots out a "carpoon" and catches the winnebagel by the bumper, tipping it on it's side. the motorhome slides along the freeway for a while, until it hits a pebble and comes to a ear-piercing halt. *dazed, all four passengers climb out of the side windows, only to find the police officer pointing a gun at them. <officer> put your hands on your head! *barney takes off her hands and carefully balances them on her head. <officer> that's......disgusting. <yenrab> what? <officer> gwah. <mono> it's "g'ah." <officer> shut your mouth or i'll shoot you all like dogs! <all> gulp. <mono> what did i sa-- BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM *mono falls over, dead. <waka> oh no! they killed mono! <myth> you bastard! <mono> wait! i'm not quite dead yet! BLAM! *mono falls over, dead. the officer places the group in handcuffs and throws them in the back of the car. mono's body is tied to the back of the car. ********** ...an hour later: *the police cruiser drives through the 27 barbed wire fences and into the prison yard. the officer opens the door and orders the trio out of the vehicle. *a strange noise can be heard eminating from behind the car. the officer walks to the car and discovers mono is somehow still alive, and playing a solitaire game of "kick the gaK." the officer puts handcuffs on mono and puts him with the rest of the group. <officer> all of you! start walking! <waka> man, were being impressed by the man, man. <myth> i think you mean "opressed" <waka> don't put words in my mouth. <officer> SHUT UP NOW YOU PATHETIC BUNCH OF IGMOS! <yenrab> igmo? <officer> YES! IGMO! <yenrab> bwah. igmo. <mono> it's "g'ah" *the officer leads the handcuffed group inside the jail, where hefty prisoners named "butch", "maddog", and "princess" are lifting weights. at this point, the group is split up, where they are to meet their individual fates. or not. WHAT WILL HAPPEN? WILL THE ADVENTURERS BE ABLE TO FINISH THEIR QUEST? WHERE IS THE WINNEBAGEL? WHY IS THAT FAT GUY IN CELL #9651 EYEING WAKA? FIND THE ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS AND MORE...IN MEGAZEUX RULES, ACT FOUR! (coming soon to a website near you. well, helpfully soon. maybe not. gwah. (it's "g'ah!"))