megazeux rules: special edition
by mono
at the megazeux excellence awards:
*thousands of zzt/mzx'ers are seated in a large stadium. mattw is on stage, announcing the next award. piman and guyver are seated in the front row, talking loudly.
<mattw> ...and now, the next award.
*he pauses. he looks at piman and guyver.
<mattw> *ahem*
*piman and guyver continue talking.
*matt gets ready to blink.
*piman and guyver continue talking.
*matt blinks.
*nothing happens.
<mattw> dang. it worked when janson did it.
*piman and guyver continue talking.
*someone picks tseng up from his seat and throws him at piman and guyver, killing them both.
<tseng> (stands up) cool! i didn't die!
*tseng sits down. unfortunately, he sits in multi's empty seat. when multi returns from the restroom, he angrily kills tseng.
<mattw> ...anyway. the next award is for "best new game." the nominees are: Ibrahim, for "darkness ][."
*mattw stands silently, tapping his foot & repeatedly staring at the watch.
*darkmage runs onstage, and hands an envelope to mattw.
*mattw opens the envelope.
<mattw> ...and the winner is...........................ibrahim, for "darkness ][!"
*ibrahim walks onstage, smiling and waving to nobody in particular.
*mattw hands ibrahim a small nude statue.
<ibrahim> ew! (drops statue)
*ibrahim walks up to the podium and begins his acceptance speech.
<ibrahim> thank you! i wouldn't have been able to do any of this without the help of my good friend, mz. and he's gay.
*everyone gasps, and turns to look at mz.
*mz gets up and silently walks out of the stadium.
<mattw> ok, the next award is for "best website." the nominees are: mattw, for mworld; myth, for his website with the stupid name; monthigos, for the sivion page; and mz, for megazealot: links!"
<mono> (stands up) jessaminute here. i have a few problems with these nominees. for one thing, everyone nominated are also judges. another thing, megazealot: links isn't really a website, and yadayadayada....
<myth> (//thwacks mono) shut up elvis. you're just jealous because you weren't nominated.
<mono> i'm not elvis!@#$!@#%
*darkmage runs on stage and hands the envelope to mattw. matt opens the envelope. inside, the letter reads "the winner is monthigos. this letter will self destruct in five minutes."
*matt hands the letter back to darkmage. darkmage leaves.
<mattw> and the winner is............matt williams, for mworld!
*mattw hands the nude statue to himself.
<mattw> ew! (drops statue)
*mattw walks up to the podium to give his acceptance speech. offstage, there is an explosion.
<mattw> i'd like to thank everyone who made this possible. mainly, myself. scott hammack sucks. thank you.
*as matt is walking away from the podium, a helicopter flies in and lands in the middle of the stadium. pcc sylva and pca jon walk out. pcc sylva steps up to the podium.
<pcc sylva> helloooooooooooooooooo sacramento!
*everyone> . . .
<pcc sylva> (grabs microphone) you might be wondering why we crashed your little "party" here.
<pca jon> yeah!
<pcc sylva> and you might be wondering why i'm with pca jon!
<pca jon> yeah!........actually, i'm wondering that too.
<pcc sylva> well, we've come to tell you that unless we receive one million dollars by the end of the night, you little friend crus will die!
*rumbling among the crowd. everyone starts clapping.
<pcc sylva> no!!!!!!! didn't you hear me? crus will die!
<guyver> (yelling from audience) good! we don't like him anyway!
<pcc sylva> (thinks for a minute) ....well then....i'll personally close down anything having to do with zzt or megazeux!
<pca jon> yeah!
<everyone> gasp!
<pcc sylva> nyahahahaha. ha. you have until 9 pm.
<capnkev> no! make it 11!
<pcc sylva> sorry. i have to be home in time to watch seinfeld.
*she sneers as she climbs back into the departing helicopter.
*the helicopter leaves.
<pca jon> hey! wait for me! (runs off in the direction the helicopter is flying)
*mattw walks reluctantly up to the microphone.
<mattw> so what are we gonna do? we have exactly 3 hours and 27 minutes.
*everyone talks amongst themselves. there is a collective shrug.
-----3 hours later-----
<jdmsonic> (stands up) hey! i thought of something!
<bob barker> c'mon down!!
*jdmsonic gets up and walks to the stage. he grabs the microphone.
<jdmsonic> dang. i forgot.
*jdm leaves.
*the helicopter returns. pca sylva walks out. pca jon follows, holding a rather large remote control.
*pcc sylva yells into the microphone.
<pcc sylva> show me the money!
*mattw giggles (he walks up to pca sylva)
<mattw> we took up a collection. here. (hands money to pcc sylva)
<pcc sylva> (counts money) there's only 42 dollars here!
<mattw> we coudn't come up with a million dollars.
<pcc sylva> (angrily, with an english accent) sorry. a toll is a toll. and a roll is a roll. and if we don't get no tolls, we don't get no rolls. (she snatches the large remote control from pca jon)
<pca jon> hey! i was playing tetrinet!
<pcc sylva> (to audience) (yelling) (in-a-gaK-sorta-way) everyone, please focus your attention to the large video screen.
*everyone turns their collective heads, collectively.
*pcc sylva presses a button. on the screen, a picture of the aol building is shown. zoom in. the screen now shows the 27th floor of the aol building. (more specifically, the zzt/mzx offices). she presses another button. the entire 27th story collapses, leaving the 28th sitting on top of the 26th.
<pcc sylva> see? no more zzt/mzx! nyahahahahahaha!
*she presses another button. the #megazeux building is shown.
*she laughs. annoyingly.
*just as she is about to press another button and destroy the world as most mzx'ers know it, a small biplane flies overhead. someone jumps out, and lands on pcc sylva.
*he takes off his mask, to reveal himself as mz.
<mz> i'm not gay!
*mz grabs the remote from her hand. he presses a button. on the screen, a picture of pcc sylva is shown. he presses another button.
*she explodes.
<pca jon> ohmylanta! you killed pcc sylva!
*pca jon screams and runs out of the stadium. outside of the stadium, he is trampled by a herd of yaks.
<yapokjr> whoops.
*mattw walks to the microphone.
<mattw> well, THAT was fun. see you next year!
*he blinks. nothing happens.
<mattw> dang!
***end***
<tseng> (stands up) cool! i didn't die!