act eleven: "return of the wierd naked indian"
by mono
*the side of the highway is littered with the debris from the crash. several bodies lay sprawled out in every direction. multi gets up from underneath a smoldering hubcap. he staggers around for a minute.
<multi> wow. that's some tough-actin' tanactin.
*he walks around, examining the debris.
<multi> everybody died! this sucks!
*he sits down on a lump.
<lump> ow! get off me!
*multi gets up, rather startled.
*the lump stands up, revealing itself to be tseng.
<multi> tseng!
*tseng does a little jig.
*multi does a little jig.
*they jig together.
*asterick appears out of nowhere.
<asterick> i'm the only jigger! me! me! i'm the only jigger!
*asterick vanishes
*tseng stops jigging.
*multi doesn't.
<tseng> hey, who are all these dead folk?
<multi> erm, just some guys i was riding with. myth, waka, inmate, and some other guy.
<tseng> stop jigging.
*multi stops
*they both start examining the bodies.
<tseng> jessaminute here! this is darkmage!
<multi> woah! and this one is bongo!
*as they inspect the rest of the corpses, they realize that mono, myth, waka and inmate have vanished, and the members of darkdigital have somehow replaced them.
<tseng> this is horrible!
<multi> bloody right, it's horrible! (he looks at the body of theyoda, who has the winnebagels's antannae lodged through his head)
*both tseng and multi site down, discouraged.
<multi> y'know, it really ruins the day when somebody dies.
<tseng> tell me about it. i was gonna go bowling.
*as they are talking, a tall, mysterious figure approaches the scene of the accident. the only thing he has on is a feather headress. he seems to float, rather than partake in the traditional custom of walking. lilacs and daisies sprout up behind wherever he goes. he stops near the remains of the winnebagel. tseng and multi are watching in astonishment.
<multi> oh my george! he's naked!
<tseng> yeah, and he isn't wearing any clothes!
*they both shudder.
*the naked guy raises his arms and throws his head back.
<naked guy> wumpam bumpam queek fow, hubba jubba low-cal.
*he leaves. moments later, the dead people return to life, and the winnebagel is restored to its previous condition, which is only slightly better than it was.
<darkmage> what happened?
<multi> you died.
<darkmage> what?! i voted for barney!
<bongo> wait, how did we get here? last thing i remember, we were in #darkdigital!
<everyone> . . .
<multi> hrm...maybe we can get some answers inside the winnebagel.
*they all go inside the winnebagel.
<theyoda> funny, i've never been inside a winnebagel before.
<tseng> heh heh. nor have i. (gulp)
<nivek> well here's another mess you've gotten us into, bongo.
<bongo> shut up! i'm trying to establish communication on this radio thing!
<booth> you know how to fix a radio?
<bongo> sure! how hard can it be?
<booth> well for one thing, that's a pop tart, not a radio.
<bongo> whoops. heh-heh. (looks for radio, turns it on)
*predictably, the radio explodes.
<bongo> d'oh!
<multi> it's "dwoh."
<tseng> hey, i just had an idea!
<darkmage> you can do that?
<tseng> we can use the antanae sticking out of theyoda's head to radio your friends!
<theyoda> no you can't! i won't let you!
<tseng> yes, we can.
<theyoda> no you can't.
<tseng> yes we can.
<theyoda> no you can't!
<tseng> yes we can.
<theyoda> no! you can't!
<tseng> (pauses) no. we can't.
<theyoda> yes! you can!
<tseng> ok, then.
<theyoda> huh?
*nivek and multi hold theyoda down while bongo plugs him into the cigarette lighter of the vehicle. twenty-seven thousand volts race through theyoda's body as communication is established with #darkdigital. hm and chronos can be heard on the radio's speaker.
<hm> hello? baking powder?
<bongo> hm! you've got to help us!
<hm> bongo!
<xf> lineup.
*xf explodes.
<bongo> hm, tell chronos that he has to press one of the buttons over there to get us back.
<hm> ok!...(mumbles to chronos)......(a click is heard)
*a few seconds later, nivek turns into a praying mantis.
<bongo> nope, wrong button.
*...another click.
*nivek bottom lip shrinks into his gums.
<bongo> nope.
*...another click.
*nivek grows another eyebrow.
<tseng> hey, cool!
<bongo> nope. but that was cool. press that one again.
*...click.
*nivek grows a fourth eyebrow.
<bongo> bwah. ok, try another button.
*...click.
*with that, the darkdigital group vanishes, and in their place appears myth, inmate, waka, and a duck.
<myth> wowee! it's good to be back!
<waka> hey, where's mono?
<myth> he must still be floating around in space!
<inmate> yikes! now we'll never find janson!
<duck> quack.
<tseng> hey, maybe we can radio the #darkdigitalites again!
<everyone> yeah!
*everyone attempts to use the radio. unfortunately, it is still broken, and theyoda's antanae head is nowhere in sight.
<everyone> d'oh!
*multi eats the duck.
*suddenly, the weird naked indian returns.
<tseng> weird naked indian! are you here to help us find mono?
<weird naked indian> actually, i came back to get a feather that fell out of my headress.
*the weird naked indian picks up the feather and leaves.
<tseng> thats the last straw. i will not rest until i find mono, and return him to his native spawining grounds, the winnebagel.
<waka> why? he was beginning to annoy me.
<tseng> cause....he's cool.
*tseng skips along the road, determined to find his departed friend. unfortunately, a pillow truck runs him over.
*the remaining four travellers clamor back inside the winnebagel and continue on their journey.
***end***
<multi> oh my george! he's naked!