act tseng: "agh. more dobermans."

by mono


*in a lab somewhere:

*several scientists wearing contamination suits are conducting experiments, filling test tubes, and watching the golden girls swimsuit special.

*in the middle of the lab, mono is strapped down to a large metal chair. his eyes are closed, and he is babbling strange phrases such as "cellophane flowers" and "doilies are scrumptious."

*one of the scientists approaches mono and pokes him with large metal cattle prod.

<mono> bics are for kids.

<first scientist> strange.

*another scientist approaches.

<second scientist> what is it, bill?

<first scientist> our specimen seems to be in some kind of trance. everytime i poke him, he says "bics are for kids."

<second scientist> hmmmm. let me try.

*second scientist smacks mono.

<mono> bics are for kids.

*he slaps mono again.

<mono> bics are for kids.

*slaps mono again.

<mono> bics are for kids.

*again.

<mono> bics are for kids.

*again.

<mono> bics are for new kids.

*again. again. again

<mono> bics...bics...bics are for kids.

<first scientist> well, this isn't working.

*second scientist walks to a closet, opens it, and pulls out a high-powered lazer.

<second scientist> okay, hold him still.

*first scientist grabs mono's head and holds his mouth shut.

*second scientist aims the lazer.

*just as he is about to pull the trigger, the laboratory's main doors swing open, and tseng bursts in to the room. the lazer fires, hitting the first scientist in the lower abdomen.

<first scientist> ow! my eyelid!

*the scientist falls over, dead.

<second scientist> you idiot! you've killed bill! he was trying to . . . . save this man!

<tseng> ah, well...

<second scientist> you don't know what you've done!

*suddenly, the intercom clicks on.

<voice over the intercom> number two! i heard a scream. what was that?

<second scientist> uh....bill died.

<voice over the intercom> oh well. looks like you're heading up the janson project now. congratulations.

<second scientist> you mean it?!

<voice over the intercom> thats right. you're promoted.

<second scientist> woohoo!

<voice over the intercom> be sure to dispose of bill.

<second scientist> who? oh, bill. sure, sure.

<intercom> *click*

<second scientist> (turns to tseng) well, i believe i owe you an apology.

<tseng> . . . . .did he say "janson project?"

<second scientist> of course not. he said "hanson project." why would we at enigma labs have anything to do with greg janson?

*zed enters the room

<zed> hanson must dieeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*zed leaves

*tseng looks at the scientist. how did you know i was referring to greg janson?

<second scientist> i didn't.

<tseng> but you said "greg janson."

<second scientist> no i didn't.

<tseng> yes, you did.

*the second scientist, in desperation, grabs the lazer gun and points it at tseng.

<second scientist> so what if this is a giant plot overseen by greg janson to destroy the people in the winnebagel? what's it to you?!

<tseng> wow.

*the second scientist pulls the trigger, hitting tseng directly between the eyes.

*tseng's brains are splattered all over the walls.

*the second scientist turns of the gun, and resumes his work on mono.

***end***

----------------------------------cut-----------------------------------

<emegas> now jessaminnit here. what is this? tseng can't just die!

<yenrab> yes! he can!

<emegas> no he can't! i've based my entire life as i know it around megazeux rules. it would ruin the entire plot direction if tseng died now.

<yenrab> he's already died at least seven times.

<emegas> yeah, but everytime he's died before, it's always been "tseng falls on somebody, killing them both."  This time, his brains were splattered against the wall. i don't think that's funny.

<yenrab> ah, blow it out your....

---------------------------------resume-----------------------------------

*the second scientist, in desperation, grabs the lazer gun and points it at tseng.

<second scientist> so what if this is a giant plot overseen by greg janson to destroy the people in the winnebagel? what's it to you?!

<tseng> wow.

*the second scientist pulls the trigger.

*tseng ducks.

*the lazer beam reflects off the wall and back on to the scientist, instantly killing him. both.

*tseng unstraps mono.

<mono> bics are for kids.

<tseng> gwah. shut up.

<mono> bics are for ki---it's "g'ah."

*tseng pics up mono, tucks him under his arm, and leaves the lab.

----------------------------cut------------------------------------

<yenrab> man. this is the most boring act yet.

<e_megas> yeah, i think mono's running out of ideas.

<yenrab> like he had any to begin with.

----------------------------resume--------------------------------

*they run to the nearest exit. tseng jumps in the jet waiting for them *just* outside the door.

<mono> how did a jet get here?

<tseng> i left it here.

*tseng starts up the jet, and zooms off into the skies. unfortunately, the jet runs out of fuel in midair. it begins to crash.

<tseng> of course.

*tseng and mono jump out of the plane, plummeting to their more than likely deaths.

----------------------------cut------------------------------------

<e_megas> to their deaths?!

<yenrab> that's what it said.

----------------------------resume--------------------------------

<announcer> will tseng and mono survive the fall? find out in the already released act 12!

----------------------------cut------------------------------------

<e_megas> g'ah.

----------------------------resume--------------------------------

*somewhere else in the lab.

*greg janson is sitting in a chair near a fireplace, hands folded, deep in thought.

<greg janson> so. the mzx'ers think they can escape my wrath.

*he pokes at the coals.

<greg janson> i do believe they have another thing coming. b'eh. heheheh. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....ha.

***end***

<e_megas> yeah, i think mono's running out of ideas.

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